I'm Probably Overthinking This

Over the last six weeks, I've been thinking about the student evaluations from the fall semester of Good Book intro.

For the most part, they are consistent with student evaluations from my days as a T.A.: students commented that I'm organized, enthusiastic about my subject, and seem to know a lot about my field of study. Most also commented that I'm a tough grader, but that goes without saying and I make no apologies for expecting post-secondary students to meet post-secondary standards.

As expected, there were some comments that made no sense. For example, the student who commented that class only ever consisted of lectures. But we had had small and large group discussions, watched movies and clips from YouTube, looked at photos (the ones that I took in TLWTMS), and listened to various kinds of music.

But there were other comments that took me quite by surprise.

On a professional level, I'm disappointed at these negative comments because they are now a permanent part of my teaching dossier.

On a personal level, however, these comments have been quite hurtful to me. Because the evaluations are anonymous, I have no idea who made these comments, which makes me rather paranoid when I bump into my fall students on campus (is s/he the one who actually hated my course?) and I will have no opportunity to defend myself against them.

This final reason is very likely the reason for my post: I feel the need to defend myself, but have no other forum. So, here goes...

In response to the question, "Would you recommend this course by this instructor to other students?" one student replied, "Sure... not an exceptional course but not horrible."

What an exceptionally unhelpful comment. You give no indication as to which aspects of the course were helpful or not helpful. So, I can't even work on areas of the course that didn't meet student needs: was it the in-class activities? course content? methods of evaluation? my pedagogical style?

Another student felt that the course should have focused on the history of the Good Book, but felt that the course had been about "looking for reasons to find it historically inaccurate."

Yes, there are places where the historicity of the Good Book is questioned. But it's part of my job to make you aware of it. Further, I always made it a point to present the arguments both for and against the historicity of those texts and encouraged students to make up their own minds about the historicity of aforementioned texts. Finally, there were actually only a handful of problematic texts; I can think of only a half dozen classes (out 36 classes) in which this issue even came up.

The most hurtful comment (the one that keeps me up at night) came from a student who commented that I "act like students are stupid for needing to ask questions." The same student also commented that they would recommend the course, but would recommend "instructor only if they had no other options; the class is good enough to make putting up with her worth it."

I try to be very conscientious about NOT making my students feel stupid, so I am actually SHOCKED that you feel this way. I have wracked my brains trying to figure out what incident could possibly have been the cause of this comment, but I must confess that I'm at a total loss. If I did laugh at your question, it was certainly not because I was laughing at you, but laughing at myself for being such a nerd that I had not anticipated what my students might not know.

As for your second comment, do you realize that the class is "good enough" in large part because of how I, as the instructor, structure and teach the class? I wish that you knew that your comment has been so hurtful to me that I have actually considered quitting my job and leaving teaching. One of the reasons that I enjoy teaching is because I think that I'm good at it. But if my students are only "putting up" with me, then perhaps both they and I would be better off if I invested my energies in some other activity.

After all this thinking (or, obsessing), I have had more frequent moments of self-doubt. While I have always doubted my abilities as a researcher, I had never doubted my abilities as a teacher until this batch of evaluations.

Nevertheless, I also realize that:

• Out of 56 students, there were approximately six who were overwhelmingly negative in their evaluations. In fact, most of the students were quite positive about my course, stating that they learned "a lot!" (and isn't that the point?).
  
• It is not my job to be liked by my students. Yes, it makes it easier to teach them if they do. But whether or not they like me is not the ultimate measure of whether or not I am a good instructor.
• My department chair and my colleagues have always considered me to be an excellent instructor and, even after discussing these comments with them, they still consider me to be one. They are pleased with my course and course content, and a number of them have even offered to write letters of recommendation for me should the need arise.

Yes, I'm probably overthinking some of this.

But, after all, I am paid to think.