An Emotional Roller Coaster

I had a call from First-Choice U late this afternoon. (Yes, I jumped when the phone rang.)

Apparently, they had a meeting today (yay!). But there was some confusion over my application (boo!).

On the advice of Advisor, during my campus visit, I had indicated to the department chair and the dean that IF I were offered the position, THEN I would request to defer the start date to Fall 2011, SO THAT I could also accept the post-doc, BUT if this wasn't possible, then my priority was the TT position.

Some of these subordinate phrases got lost in the conversations, and the chair of the search committee essentially wished to clarify whether I would decline the post-doc for the TT position. I assured hir that this was, indeed, the case.

As the deadline for accepting/declining the post-doc is this Friday, I inquired whether they might have a decision by then. The answer: possibly, but not definitely.

On one hand, that my application was discussed at today's meeting is a good sign: perhaps I'm still a contender for this position. So, that makes me happy.

On the other hand, that I won't have an answer from them by the end of the week could indicate that I'm not their first choice. So, that makes me uneasy.

Add to this mix my disappointment that I won't be able to have my cake and eat it, too: I can EITHER have the post-doc in TLWTMS OR the TT position. But I can't have both.

Finally, I'm still in this horrible stage called "anxious waiting" (to the detriment of my students, I'm afraid).

In short, it's been an emotionally volatile day. And I have at least three more days to go.

Would somebody please let me off this emotional roller coaster?